I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
