Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
