drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We have started to decorate penises.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
