After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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