i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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