This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
