Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The air was thick with penises
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
