dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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