I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
