Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
