I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
