Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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