found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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