My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
