just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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