You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
