What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
