Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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