I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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