k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
