Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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