Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
