My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
