my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
