I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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