why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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