I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You took a bar mat shot.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
