he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The beer is more important than you right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
