My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
