Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
