I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
