8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
