he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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