You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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