Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
