She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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