everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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