pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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