I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
