be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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