I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
