i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
