New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
