I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
