I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
