He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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