just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
