how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I understand Curling. That high.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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