So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
