i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
