Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Congratulations! We have a period
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