Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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