finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You are the jesus of drinking
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
